I have noticed in the last year or so that there is this sort of movement going on. "Curvy is beautiful", "real men like women with curves", "only dogs like bones", and so on. Now, while the body positive movement is awesome, ive noticed one major problem. Its almost 100% geared toward "plus sized" women, while excluding and pretty much shaming thin women. Then there is this whole other movement that involves severe fat shaming. And it has become a form of discrimination that is almost celebrated in our culture. I thought about all the pressures women have on them, and the standards we are all supposed to live by, and it honestly gave me a migrane.
This was all swirling through my mind the other day while I was sitting in the chair at the salon chopping off my locks. The stylist couldnt believe I was cutting off my pretty hair, because she thought that women look beautiful with long hair. And the girl at the next station over, sat in almost amazement while this fat girl got the hair cut meant for tiny pixies. I told my stylist to go shorter and shorter... and she said "man, if only I had the confidence to do that once in my life"... And I told her, "its just hair... it grows back". But to her, her hair was her identity. She said that her hair, was all that she had. I found it quite sad. She seemed like a nice girl, and from our conversations, seemed rather smart and funny.. so then why would her HAIR be the thing that defines her? It seems.. crazy. Im guilty of this too, I have often thought that if it wasent for my face, id have nothing at all.
Then I think about that "movement" I was refering too earlier. Big girls define themselves as "curvy", and shame the thin girls, saying things like "eat a cheeseburger" "eat a sandwich" "anorexic bitch"... and will literally argue with anyone who disagrees. Then we get the thin girls who define themselves as "skinny" and "hot", and play health police to the bigger girls, saying things like "go the gym fatty" "god, if I looked like that id kill myself" "have you considered surgery"... and they too will shame and argue with anyone who disagrees with them. Then theres the "fit is the new skinny" group. Most of them have internet M.D.s at this point and if you dont work out 24/7, theyll defidently let you know that you should. Ive seen fit women shame thin women for being too "soft" and not having enough muscle definition... W. T. F. And men... Dont even get me started. But this thing with women, and how while trying to empower themselves, they gain thier confidence by putting other women down.. it really bothers me. We are raised to live by this standard set by men and what men find attractive, and then its like.. all bets are off in the shaming game. But my observations find that in fact, its not the men that they are trying to impress. Its women. And its not so much impressing each other, its like a competition. Whos hotter, whos thinner, who is more fit, whos got a bigger inner thigh gap, whos got better hair, better tattoos, better makeup, and better clothes.. it drives me nuts! Dont get me wrong, I was guilty of some of those things too, but over time, ive found that it does no one any good to have that attitude towards things. We all are guilty at some point. But when is enough enough. Honestly.
I often wonder to myself, when did we become so hard on ourselves and others? I mean, judgement and being self critical has always been there, but when did it get so bad? When a pretty and smart girl defines herself soley by her HAIR, because she doesnt see any other redeeming quality... its bad. This is why I applaud people like Tess Munster, and her #effyourbeautystandards movement. Because regardless if youre thin, or fat, short, tall, black, white, fit, a clown, a transgendered person, drag queen, full face of makeup or natural... That movement is about finding and celebrating the beauty in everyone.
We as women should be building each other up, not tearing each other down. Plain and simple. The world is hard enough on us, we dont need our sisters making us feel bad too. My sons father Mike, always laughs at me, because he says that as long as hes known me, I always give other girls compliments. Weither its thier hair color, thier blush, thier nails, something... thier handbags.. anything. And I always say "why not?" Everybody deserves to hear that there is something nice about them. I dont care what they look like. I dont understand how hard it is for people to be the same way to each other, or themselves for that matter.
I really hope that someday in the future, there comes a time where women arent so insecure, that the only way to feel good is to lash out. That we all look at ourselves and see something great, and go out into the world and just radiate with confidence, uplifting ourselves and each other. Its time to take a stand and say enough to the bullshit. Because at the end of the day, we are amazing creatures. We should be able to feel good about ourselves without judgement from ourelves and others. Im not in la-la land, I know that in reality, we know that isnt fully possible, but it doesnt hurt to at least try?
So I thought about all of this, while knowing that with each chop of my hair, there will be people who will have thier opinions on my fat face and short hair, and so what. I like it, and I did it anyways. And I feel damn good about myself. Isnt that what really matters anyways?
